Moody...

I feel kinda moody this morning. Well it started last night. Something happened and it kinda mess my feelings & my mood a lil. Suppose to spend time with mom while she still here with us, but lock myself in my room and continue upset about things that happened. I have always been like that. When I’m sad or troubled, my room is my grotto, I tell God everything and cry to him.

I didn’t even sit down & have a proper dinner together with my family. I was the last one to join them. By the time I enter the kitchen, all of them got up. How sad. I was so piss at that time. Angry at myself for not able to join my family for a nice dinner. How often do we get to eat like a family??...why didn’t I appreciate it??...i really do ok, I really do. I regretted. After dinner, I volunteer to wash the dishes. Granny asked me not to do so, but I want to help. In other way, I wanna keep myself busy and let out my frus by doing house chores. Is like everytime I upset about things, I wanted to do house chores. Keep myself busy. Wanted to iron clothes after washing dishes but I couldn’t hold my tears but to ran up to my ‘grotto’ and shut myself. Thinking that no one in the family will understand how I feel. So I let it out to God.

Mom called. She came in, and asked why am I feeling down. I was touched when she ask that. At least one of them is aware what’s happening to me & i'm glad that its my Mie. All the while I’ve been longing for a mother’s love, but because she so far apart from us, is like as if, i’m not familiar with her anymore. When she asks me that question, I feel loved. I wanna break down. But…I’m not ready to share with mom yet. Why?? I don’t even know. I told mom I’ll be fine, just that I’m tired. She asked me to join her & dad in their room. ‘Alrite’ I answered.

We spend our genuine time together by just watching tv in my parents room. It is so funny to see everyone wanted to conquer the remote control, dad & I wanted to watch channel 82, our favourite tennis player, Roger Federer against Andy Roddick. Mom & bro wanted to watch channel 30, Chinese series. We voted. And of cos, the man of the house always have the final say!...so we watch tennis. Mom & bro not happy, but still waiting for their turn. We crack lotsa jokes together, esp seeing mom who is so blur, & dad with good sense of humor & always keep us entertain. Mom & dad tried to dye their hair to purple copper color. So with my bro’s help, mom’s crown turns out to be fine, she looks great. But there’re still chemical left in the tube, and dad wanted to make use of it. Looking the amount of hair on his head, by his judgment, he thought of giving it a try. Ended up, few patches on his head, not even!! We had a good laugh at him!!... I really enjoy spending time with my parents esp when mom is around. Is good that mom taking care of dad & dad taking care of mom by being her driver.

I’m moody today, because mom left this morning. Going back to s’pore. Why should I get upset?? I should have get use to it. She comes back and go back… no!! each time, she leave, I just miss her. Thank God that she’ll be back for my birthday!!... "Mie i can't wait to see you next month!!”

“Lord, thank you for my mie, I feel loved, the love of a mother. I’m longing for it,”

I miss my mom…